We made it! 2020 is finally over and everyone is ready to start fresh again. This is the time of year when people are notorious for making resolutions to get back into the gym or lose a few pounds gained over the holidays. However, 2020 delt us closed gyms, ordering take-out and the dreaded COVID 15. With even more pressure for a healthier, fitter version of ourselves, the options of how to change are endless. How does one make the first decision as to where to start? I nominate by changing your relationship with food. Yes you read that right. Don’t go straight for that prepackaged diet promising to help you change your eating habits. It won’t work. It never will, but figuring out your reason for eating will.
Once upon a time in a past life, I had a terrible and I mean horrific relationship with food. It was a mechanism for extreme pleasure and punishment… well mostly punishment. Eating was glutinous and something I didn’t deserve to do. So when I did, if I did, I was laidend by guilt and fear of what those calories would do to my body. It took years of working on these issues to recognize why I had such a terrible relationship with food. Once I identified a few key factors, my relationship and health for that matter improved. I realized that nourishing myself meant that I was selfish (I had been programmed by my Dad and Step Mom at an early age that I was a self centered and lazy child- this was not the case. Top that with a little emotional abuse and molestation and you have yourself a nice recipe for an eating disorder.). Not wanting to exhibit that behavior, I became the polar opposite. I let everyone and anyone take advantage of me. My outer shape was a reflection of my innermost perceptions of myself. To show my rebellion I simply stopped eating. At the age of 17 I had had enough of this denial and sunk deep into the world of binge eating and purging. The ultimate act of f@#$ you to my parents and myself. Food was the ultimate punisher.
I wish I could say that I realized all of these epiphanies all at once; I learned little pieces of information over time, once I was ready to accept and work through these issues. As my relationship with myself improved, so did my food choices, quite naturally actually. I no longer felt the cravings for junk food. They simply went away. I made the resolve to be nice to my body rather than punishment. I was already injured from dance as it was, I didn’t need to put my digestive system through a cyclone everyday too. I became aware that I ate when I was anxious. I had no idea the amount of anxiety that was swelled up inside of me. Once I caught on to this pattern, I realized I could change it. I became a master of what my triggers were and how to at first avoid them and then later how to prevent them. As the years passed on certain foods left my diet completely. To this day I don’t drink soda or eat pizza. Those were my favorite binge foods and I no longer need them to cope.
I’m sure by this point in the blog you’re asking yourself “so what exactly is the point of this anecdote and how does it apply to my New Year’s Resolution”? My point is that identifying why you are eating will in the long run help you keep to better nutrition overall. Changing the foods you eat doesn’t necessarily mean you will change the way you feel about eating or what you’re eating. I would bet a new pair of Wonder Woman Nanos that you will in fact start to associate healthy foods with a miserable way to eat. Our brains are wired to want to reach for the high carb, high sugar in times of high stress. Let’s face it, no one is being eaten by a tiger these days or roughing out the winter in a straw hut. Instead of resolving to diet, resolve to understand your behaviors better. Keep a small journal and note how you feel and reflect on how you ate. Before you sink your teeth into a meal, first ask why you are so ravenous. Are you really starving or did you have a bad day and you need the flood of endorphins from pizza to saitiate your mood? Whatever your health resolution, I wish you the very best success in 2021.
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